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[chox] legally human

iii) waiting for buso

oh, st'stuttering statisticians
i can't get my breath

a don't know which is worse
becoming a chimera
in front o'a mirror
or as part of just a slow
synchronised swimming process

fish bowl tactics
top tips for the gas cook
successful secrets
of a sexual kind

that's what sells these days i think
in the magazines i mean

scarcity, false scarcity
digital init, on, off
black on white
like lotsa email

some folk dream in black and white though

at ox-en though
it's black on yellow
very nice, soothing to the eye
easy reading

ow, silk, silk, silk
what do cow's drink


do you know
i could never remember
how to spell 'water'
when i was a kid
i always used to get mixed up
and put an 'r' in it, 'warter'
until someone said to me one day

   just spell it like it sounds

 i am, sez i

   nayow, not how it sounds
    when the teaches say it
   how it sounds
    when we sey it, water

 ah, i get ye, water
 there's no r in water ...

 i'm going round in circles
 i mean, my head is
 it's the same at work
 or rather what's left of it

 i look at letters, notes
 stare at them, turn them over
 pick them up again, look at them again
 try and make some sense of it all

 but imagined conversations
 sometimes proceed real ones
 and one thing i know
 is one never knows
 what the real conversation
 will actually be
 other than this

  it will not be
  the one imagined

 i had a long conservation with myself once
 after getting back home from a trip to london
 to watch the harlequins verse the wasps
 and after playing a morning match misen
 as tight head prop for the under thirteens

 i fluffed a try
 and the team dogging still rang in mi head


 i had the ball
 firmly in my hands
 five yards out
 no one in my way

 all the different ways
 i went over this one
 hours after hours
 i couldn't sleep with it
 how i would do things differently
 if only
 if only
 i could have the chance
 to replay the game
 exactly the same
 but i couldn't work it out
 what to do
 how to replay it
 hours and hours
 i was it
 for a fair few nights

   why did you pass the ball

     well adunt score tries do a me

   what tha on about
   tha scored ferst un

     aknow, that's what amean ...

    i'm imagining a different conversation
    as i type 2nite
    and it goes something like this

        well ye know
        have got very strong feelings
        for yor one
        and she asked me
        back last summer
        if i'd make her favourite desert
        at her wedding
        in fact she was booking me in
        for quite a bit of the catering

        -- i imagine this person's nanna
           smiling at this point --

        but then she stopped
        and said

           i couldn't
           i wouldn't

        what, sez i

           get married
           can you imagine
           my family at my wedding

       -- i stop again, and sey --

           adunt think she's talking about thee

       -- i imagine her nannan bursting out
          with the name of an often accusee --

           mebby, a don't know
           -- i'd reply laughing --
           or maybe her brothers
           but i think it's sad
           but i know what she's on about though
           i remember what it was like
           when i married her sister ...

    i doubt i'd get that far
    in the real
    no doubt
    events would over take

    like i mean
    i love eire
    don't get me wrong
    and have not been to dublin
    for quite a while now
    but it was like
    there was no bus queues
    it was like
    the bus stopped
    and every one just
    tried to get on
    all at once

    may be
    that what's wrong
    or right presently
    depending on how
    one looks at these things
    over on this side of the pond

    mebbe that's why we're not revolting
    we're just queuing up
    looking at us watches
    staring, chatting, exchanging pleasantries
    waiting in a nice orderly fashion
    waiting for the bus to come ...

iv) art, empire, industry

 i didn't want to go back to college
 to finish my first degree
 at every level
 it had lost its importance

 what's the point
  i thought to myself
 it's all corrupt, tout le monde
 and any way
 i'd rather be here

 but a chatted about it
 and remember
 a few of the conversations ...

    it's a waste

      aknow, but it's all wasted isn't it
      i can always go back later though
      if i change my ideas

    but you won't
    you've told me so
    it's of no interest to you now
    but unless you finish it
    you'll not get the grant
    to start another
    because you won't have finished this one

      aknow, but a don't want to start another
      and i don't want to finish this one

    you'll have to get a job

      aknow, well i've always got one
      if i want one though

    down there

      ye, they'd have me back
      i'm sure

    i'm sure they would too
    but i don't want this for you
    enough of my family
    work down there as it is

      it's decent pay

    i know
    but why won't you use your brain

      i would be
      we all have to use us brains down there
      you know, but i'd be in the offices mainly
      if that's your concern
      well, the labs, and we haven't had
      a fire down there,
      for a good few years now


      it's a lot safer now

    why do you want to repeat this

      repeat this what

    life here
    get away
    not down there please
    not with your opportunities

       i'm not convinced

    it's her isn't it

       no, she agrees with you
       oh, rather she wants me
       to finish the degree
       but for different reasons
       but there's some over lap, in that
       she wants me, to go back
       and use mi brain for a change ...


   don't improvise, and
     throw it away ...


   have you every fallen in like for a person

   just like to be around them
   no big thing really

   but they always seem
   to have an answer for everything

   like mi welsh mate for instance
   when they got all roiled up
   and i'd enquire --

      what we're gonna do

   and they'd reply
   quite amicable like --

          i'll tell you what we're going to do
          we're going down, that fucking office
          right this minute,
          and we'll deliver the biggest fucking
          that that crowd
          will have seen
          in their whole
          lives ...

   it doesn't come from nowhere
   this sort of perspective
   it's germ form appears to be born
   in confined spaces --

         no, you're doing it wrong
         it doesn't matter what you've been told
         that work shall be ripped out ...

   the tight space
   imposes a pressure upon
   one's perception of time
   or at least it tends to
   on mine

    rip it up, and start again
    i'll take the furniture
    and start all over again

   i mean, one might have
   a thousand different thoughts
   floating through one's nogging
   and heaven knows
   if you're not confused now
   you've obviously not
   been paying attention --

    buy that, sell this
    work all day
    live on hay
    they'll be pie in the sky
    when you die, peace on earth
    and an half of mild
    open man u factoring
    n os car wild

   but there's an entropy
   a certain crystallisation
   birthed in confined spaces
   never the less, hello ...


   what tha wanna work down there for

     it's work init

   ye, but why work there

     it's around here init

   dunt tha miss thi mates

     have got mates here

   but there's not much left round here tha knows na
   steel's shut, mines a'shut, nayot, it's going
   it's gone


   well get away then

     a love it round here

   aknow, but tha mure use back there
   than here

     how's tha mek that art

   well there's nowt round here is there

     aknow, it's wasted

   what's tha mean, wasted

     well look at it
     tha's said so thisen
      steel, pits, and every thing that
      wo supporting it

   nayow, there's change
   big changes,
   but there has been before
   but there's still folk
   and it's folk who'll mek it

      -- i shake mi head
         and the other continues --

   listen, when a wo thi age
   they had us do, national service
   it prepared us for life
   in many ways, common discipline
   upbringing, but it's the mates init
   at the end of the day
   any way, them days have gone
   a wo one o'last, and na
   it's thi turn, but they dunt call it
   national service anymore
   it's college init

      -- i shake mi head again --

   dunt romanticise about the steel and the pits
   terrible working conditions
   shocking, miserable, listen
   tha's got a grant to do
   a physics degree, finish it
   then come back here if tha wants
   tha'll be mure use after
   tha bound to be ...
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