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iii) waiting for buso
---------------------
oh, st'stuttering statisticians
i can't get my breath
a don't know which is worse
becoming a chimera
in front o'a mirror
or as part of just a slow
synchronised swimming process
fish bowl tactics
top tips for the gas cook
successful secrets
of a sexual kind
that's what sells these days i think
in the magazines i mean
scarcity, false scarcity
digital init, on, off
black on white
like lotsa email
some folk dream in black and white though
allegedly
at ox-en though
it's black on yellow
very nice, soothing to the eye
easy reading
ow, silk, silk, silk
what do cow's drink
w'water
do you know
i could never remember
how to spell 'water'
when i was a kid
i always used to get mixed up
and put an 'r' in it, 'warter'
until someone said to me one day
just spell it like it sounds
i am, sez i
war-ter
nayow, not how it sounds
when the teaches say it
how it sounds
when we sey it, water
ah, i get ye, water
there's no r in water ...
i'm going round in circles
i mean, my head is
it's the same at work
or rather what's left of it
i look at letters, notes
stare at them, turn them over
pick them up again, look at them again
try and make some sense of it all
but imagined conversations
sometimes proceed real ones
and one thing i know
is one never knows
what the real conversation
will actually be
other than this
it will not be
the one imagined
i had a long conservation with myself once
after getting back home from a trip to london
to watch the harlequins verse the wasps
and after playing a morning match misen
as tight head prop for the under thirteens
i fluffed a try
and the team dogging still rang in mi head
why
i had the ball
firmly in my hands
five yards out
no one in my way
all the different ways
i went over this one
hours after hours
i couldn't sleep with it
how i would do things differently
if only
if only
i could have the chance
to replay the game
exactly the same
but i couldn't work it out
what to do
how to replay it
hours and hours
i was it
for a fair few nights
why did you pass the ball
well adunt score tries do a me
what tha on about
tha scored ferst un
aknow, that's what amean ...
i'm imagining a different conversation
as i type 2nite
and it goes something like this
well ye know
have got very strong feelings
for yor one
and she asked me
back last summer
if i'd make her favourite desert
at her wedding
in fact she was booking me in
for quite a bit of the catering
-- i imagine this person's nanna
smiling at this point --
but then she stopped
and said
i couldn't
i wouldn't
what, sez i
get married
can you imagine
my family at my wedding
-- i stop again, and sey --
adunt think she's talking about thee
-- i imagine her nannan bursting out
with the name of an often accusee --
mebby, a don't know
-- i'd reply laughing --
or maybe her brothers
but i think it's sad
but i know what she's on about though
i remember what it was like
when i married her sister ...
i doubt i'd get that far
in the real
no doubt
events would over take
like i mean
i love eire
don't get me wrong
and have not been to dublin
for quite a while now
but it was like
there was no bus queues
it was like
the bus stopped
and every one just
tried to get on
all at once
may be
that what's wrong
or right presently
depending on how
one looks at these things
over on this side of the pond
mebbe that's why we're not revolting
we're just queuing up
looking at us watches
staring, chatting, exchanging pleasantries
waiting in a nice orderly fashion
waiting for the bus to come ...
iv) art, empire, industry
-------------------------
i didn't want to go back to college
to finish my first degree
at every level
it had lost its importance
what's the point
i thought to myself
it's all corrupt, tout le monde
and any way
i'd rather be here
but a chatted about it
and remember
a few of the conversations ...
it's a waste
aknow, but it's all wasted isn't it
i can always go back later though
if i change my ideas
but you won't
you've told me so
it's of no interest to you now
but unless you finish it
you'll not get the grant
to start another
because you won't have finished this one
aknow, but a don't want to start another
and i don't want to finish this one
you'll have to get a job
aknow, well i've always got one
if i want one though
what
down there
ye, they'd have me back
i'm sure
i'm sure they would too
but i don't want this for you
enough of my family
work down there as it is
it's decent pay
i know
but why won't you use your brain
i would be
we all have to use us brains down there
you know, but i'd be in the offices mainly
if that's your concern
well, the labs, and we haven't had
a fire down there,
for a good few years now
don't
it's a lot safer now
no,
why do you want to repeat this
repeat this what
life here
get away
not down there please
not with your opportunities
i'm not convinced
it's her isn't it
no, she agrees with you
oh, rather she wants me
to finish the degree
but for different reasons
but there's some over lap, in that
she wants me, to go back
and use mi brain for a change ...
art
---
don't improvise, and
throw it away ...
empire
------
have you every fallen in like for a person
just like to be around them
no big thing really
but they always seem
to have an answer for everything
like mi welsh mate for instance
when they got all roiled up
and i'd enquire --
what we're gonna do
and they'd reply
quite amicable like --
i'll tell you what we're going to do
we're going down, that fucking office
right this minute,
and we'll deliver the biggest fucking
that that crowd
will have seen
in their whole
miserable
fucking
lives ...
it doesn't come from nowhere
this sort of perspective
it's germ form appears to be born
in confined spaces --
no, you're doing it wrong
it doesn't matter what you've been told
that work shall be ripped out ...
the tight space
imposes a pressure upon
one's perception of time
or at least it tends to
on mine
rip it up, and start again
i'll take the furniture
and start all over again
i mean, one might have
a thousand different thoughts
floating through one's nogging
and heaven knows
if you're not confused now
you've obviously not
been paying attention --
buy that, sell this
work all day
live on hay
they'll be pie in the sky
when you die, peace on earth
and an half of mild
open man u factoring
n os car wild
but there's an entropy
a certain crystallisation
birthed in confined spaces
never the less, hello ...
industry
--------
what tha wanna work down there for
it's work init
ye, but why work there
it's around here init
dunt tha miss thi mates
have got mates here
aknow
but there's not much left round here tha knows na
steel's shut, mines a'shut, nayot, it's going
it's gone
aknow
well get away then
a love it round here
aknow, but tha mure use back there
than here
how's tha mek that art
well there's nowt round here is there
aknow, it's wasted
what's tha mean, wasted
well look at it
tha's said so thisen
steel, pits, and every thing that
wo supporting it
nayow, there's change
big changes,
but there has been before
but there's still folk
and it's folk who'll mek it
-- i shake mi head
and the other continues --
listen, when a wo thi age
they had us do, national service
it prepared us for life
in many ways, common discipline
upbringing, but it's the mates init
at the end of the day
any way, them days have gone
a wo one o'last, and na
it's thi turn, but they dunt call it
national service anymore
it's college init
-- i shake mi head again --
listen,
dunt romanticise about the steel and the pits
terrible working conditions
shocking, miserable, listen
tha's got a grant to do
a physics degree, finish it
then come back here if tha wants
tha'll be mure use after
tha bound to be ...
_______________________
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